I've been sitting here, quietly knitting, unknowing what I feel. It is only now that I can label it.
I'm sad. I feel displaced. I do not feel like I belong in this family. I don't feel like I belong anywhere. It feels like they are lifting off without me.
It feels hostile, like I cannot say anything or do anything right.. for they. They are the "righteous" ones.
It tires me.
That is the kind of Christian I hate. How can a group of people who believe that "love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness" and so on be so bloody hostile?
Do they repent for their accusations and blame and selfishness and wrongdoings on their sabbath day? What the hell is the point? What the HELL??
I am not at all pleased that my sister is becoming this harsh-tongued menace. Last night she demands of me to make her food; I decline. And her reply is unexpected, "Who cares about you? Make it for me."
She says it quite plainly, like it is known fact, Like she is laughing at me and I must make her food. If not today, then tomorrow. I'll always make it for her, because that's all I'm here for.