|
8:08pm The harder you work at something, the more rewarding it is in the end. That much is true. Is this old school thinking? Or new school reflection? I've always felt this way, although my actions haven't always demonstrated that. Perhaps it is time for change. I spoke of always "wanting to be the best" to Mark a couple weeks past. He replied with a quizzical "Best? Or better?" Who am I kidding anyways? I am *not* the best at anything, and perhaps, I might never be. I realize this many times and instantaneously quit, pick up something new. Perhaps this is my unconscious (now conscious) way of dealing with things. "I can't be the best, so I might as well not try." It's quite a tyrade of botched-up perfectionism meets procrastination meets failure. I do need to strive to be better. I went jogging at Central Park this afternoon. It was the second Thursday in a row which reaped a surprisingly sunny / half sunny day. It felt good to improve from last weeks' pitiful attempt. I found myself thinking about my state of being right now. Twenty-three going on twenty four. 24. You are only in your twenties once. You are 23 only once. You only get one try at today. I cannot emphasize the awareness that I need to give to the former. Who really cares about the asshole who just cut you off. Or the ladies at the starbucks who were outright bitchy hags? Will you see them ever again? Is it worth the black cloud in your day? So many questions this past couple days. I need to be my age. I am, afterall, a twenty-something year old. I do not need the worry, the stress, the unneeded pressure on myself. Tomorrow is Friday. We're going on a field trip to a water processing plant in Bellingham. Yep. Cross the border field trip. I even gave myself the afternoon off...but I'll be working at home on a project for work, as well as working a full day on Saturday. Week two in the quest to lose five pounds which I will inevitably gain back... heh. I've been eating more fiber, more vegetables, thinking of healthier recipes. I'm finding that I actually like all the veg. I *love* steamed asparagus, plain, on its' own, no butter, extra salt, or pepper. Tomatoes are also tasting very yummy. A problem is that I've been going to the washroom like crazy from all the water I've been drinking to wash down the bars. They're frightfully sweet (even for me) and I am really thirsty after one. Really want / need to go shopping. Didn't realize it until we were walking around the mall yesterday. And when I went to the bank in the mall today. *sigh* for now, it'll be window shopping.
|