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It is already May. MAY! I feel slightly sad and melancholy for the time that is simply slipping by, threads of sounds and sights and sunlight. I am thinking about that job offer already like I own it. I do not know how I want it. On one hand, it is *my* summer that I will be sacrificing. The place is known to run 24/7, with the possibility of working seven days straight...seven days straight on my "free" time... On the other hand, the money would make for a less stressful school year. That three months of hell would make my life so much easier.. And I haven't asked my parents yet for a car. The thing in this industry is that since I'm starting out, I *really* need the experience and resume reference, and yet I feel like I just need to unwind. I want the summer of last year, sunshine and sand between the toes and fun...fun all summer. I want to spend some time with my family, with my friends, with Mark. My family wanted to go to Disneyland to use up their airmiles before all the airlines went under. Already in the past I have been left out due to my school or work...I don't want it to happen again. Our family is growing older and I feel so much like our time is limited. I feel like my sister is growing up too fast, and yet not enough. I feel sorry that she is so much younger and the rest of us are so much older. Isn't she lonely? I'm proud of her. She's growing up, finishing up her first year of high school. I don't want to lose her to her adolescence.. In a lot of ways I feel like I should be closer to her, frankly, i'm closer to my cousin because she is closer to my age, and also I don't have to keep the "pristine" side of me intact to my cousin. For my sister, I must be matronly and sisterly. A good role model. Money cannot buy time. *sigh* Mother's day is around the corner and I think I am getting my mother that CD that she was mentioning this weekend at Costco. Olivia Newton-John's anniversary CD. I hope it's available everywhere. Fatigue has been plaguing me lately. This entire week has been like this groggy dream. You know you look like shit when three different people come up to you and tell you you look tired. :p This afternoon I fell asleep and did not hear my mother try to wake me up three times. That's pretty pathetic.
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