June 28, 2003

It was an interesting, tiring, long day.

I woke up at seven, confused and frightened and alarmed from a dream that had me, literally, barefoot and pregnant and running around looking for Mark. it was a DREAM. It started out in a building, finding that I was pregnant, and although I wondered why, and HOW, I was confused and suddenly started looking for Mark.

I walked outside holding my abdomen, in this concentration camp-type area, although not as dismal, gloomy or creepy, and searched silently while walking on round smooth pebbles. A guy began following me, beckoning and pleading me to get back inside, fearful that I would hurt myself. I didn't listen, and continued in my search.

The rest of the dream is sketchy, except I remember a moment where I fell asleep in a room with the same guy, another pregnant lady, and thinking about the fellow's girlfriend, who was also preggers.

I usually look for the meaning of dream symbols on Swoon. I know...what a hippie thing to do, eh? But sometimes it's right. Of course, the meanings are so vague I might as well start believing in my horoscope as well. Apparently, my dream this morning yields this:

if you observed a pregnant woman (or women) in your dream, you are likely to have an embarrassment of riches.
Sitting or walking on pebbles signifies that you will have an unexpected chance to repay (in kind) someone who took unfair advantage of you.
To dream of a strange man augurs well for family affairs, but the meaning is modified to some extent by the details of his appearance (if you were aware of them) and his actions (if any), so these factors should be considered.
Pregnancy forecasts a happy increase in material wealth.

Interesting.

Anyways. Woke up, went to the gym for the first time in a LONG time. 20 minutes EPX 542 (modified elliptical trainer for glutes and calves), 20 minutes modified stairclimber, 20 minutes elliptical trainer. I wanted MORE...

..but I went home and showered instead. Had a huge salad for lunch/brunch, carted off little sister to church for her church camp. Spent the rest of the day with my mother. And I do mean the rest of the day.

Went over to Lululemon for their mega sale. We think we caught a tan while waiting outside for ~30 minutes to enter their outside "sale" area. Me and mum purchased a pair of shorts each, plus a running vest for $50. Not shabby. Then we went into the actual store, and purchased three more pairs of cropped yoga pants.

Do we do yoga? No. There's nothing wrong with yoga, but with these cool pants / shorts / tops, we just might pick it up. Anyways...as I said in a past entry, Lululemon has GREAT workout / casual wear. Their luon material is very comfortable, breathable, and it slips on like a second skin. I LOVE IT!!


A family friend of ours passed away this Monday. My mother had just visited her in the hospital last Saturday.. and I hadn't cried for her when I found out. Or after.

But we visited her widowed husband this afternoon, and for the first time, I cried, we wept together for her. I feel horrible for him. She was 81; he is 77. I've written about her in here before. The Christmas lady, we picked up baked goods and presents from her at Christmas, we had lunch and dinners with her at the Keg or The Spot on her birthdays or..just because.

Ivan sounded confused when we buzzed his apartment today. But we got in ok anyways.

He opened the door when we came up, gaunt and small and shrouded. His eyes were red from crying and remembering his wife, his soulmate, and his roommate of 35 amazing years. He had placed a teddy bear on her green rocking chair in front of the television, and he hadn't really eaten in a month..that's how long she was in the hospital.

I began crying when I saw the teddy bear. I continued as we started talking and he began reliving the last week. We laughed and smiled when he recounted how amazing and humorous she was..

This was the lady with the "funky" bright orange shoes from B2, the same lady that beckoned her hubby from the garden by shooting foam arrows at him from the balcony, and the same lady that we'd grown up with...my parents had known them for 25 years.

Dorothy had a way of drawing people in, making them feel comfortable and at home..like family. In the 90's, she befriended a young Japanese student and made him stay in her home instead of in a hostel for the remainder of his stay in Vancouver. She was like my Caucasian grandmother, complete with big lipstick kisses and hugs and easter bunnies and frilly dresses for Christmas.

He was shaking as he spoke of her, and his face contorted, eyes teary..his body sighed and he cried, "I don't know if I'll ever get over this, I don't know if I'll ever stop missing her." "She was a part of me. And now that part is gone."

They had had a conversation several years ago, and he had said that he'd be the first to go; she replied, "no. We'll go together."

I did not know what to say.

My mother, surprisingly, was poised and strong and resilient; she conforted him and hugged him, she asked him to be strong, saying that Dorothy was watching him, she wouldn't want him to be this way..

I'm also reading "Tuesdays with Morrie" right now, and this whole "bridge between life and death" is a haunting and learning experience. I knew she would have passed away; I did not expect it so suddenly. She'd been in and out of the hospital for several years... I simply did not know the severity of this particular visit.

Ivan's love, care, sorrow...it's touching, but it's disturbing as well. In some ways I wonder that if me and Mark were ever to that stage.. I could picture myself as Ivan. And I'd be alone for a long time. I don't know if I could ever bear that.

I hope Ivan can.

It frightens me how suddenly she went, and not many of her family and friends even know. Her estranged daughter left after a quarrel a couple weeks ago, a number of her friends are out of town..

She was cremated Thursday.


I spent a while sniffeling in the car while my mother weaved in and out of traffic in the sunny, humid weather. She picked up some groceries in North Vancouver, and I treated her to "lunch". She chose Starbucks and Caesar's Pizza. *shrug*

Dinner at Kamei minus Charles, dad, and sister, plus all the aunts and uncles and cousins.. A stroll near Stanley Park ending up at Roundhouse where we listened to world jazz and combed over some African instruments, garments, fabrics and jewellery.

We talked about life, jobs, work ethic and issues all day, and chatted incoherently on the way back to the car.

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