I think I am a bit overwhelmed that this is probably the last year I'll be in formal schooling. I am still applying for Environmental health although I don't know and probably will not get in because I am a lazy ass slacker. Anyways. I am very anxious about the year coming ahead.

I want to work again, live again, grow again. But at the same time, I want to stick to what I know and the things I have been doing lately. I like my classmates. More so than ever before...like more than high school and more than culinary school, even.

I actually met up with one of my PICA alumni a month ago and had dinner and a trendy little bistro on Granville. The thirty-somethine asians at the table next to us chatted loudly and vibrantly about travelling and work in animated british accents. It was intriguing and wonderful to listen in. Yes...I am one of those people who inadvertedly eavesdrop. hehehe. And I laugh along too...pooh!

So. Me and Helen and Greg and Jerry and me want to go to see Eos by Cirque du Soliel next week. They're on tour and have already been here for about two weeks. We were just late in getting our shit and our plans together, that's all. Anyways i have them all excited about it because basically I LOVE them...Mike does too, and originally he had planned to come too, but unfortunately he has prior plans and will not be available. Poo head.

Things have been a little shakey between Mark and I. I picked up Isabelle last night and chatted over bubble tea at Estea. It was sad yet entertaining to gossip and exagerate our lives. . . .perhaps it was the way that me and mark started out that has me a little troubled. When I am with him, I feel secure and content and comfort....comfort of being with someone in their home in my pjs and munching dinner over a movie and nibbling on sunflower seeds.

But when I am not with him...during the week, the conversations on the phone..catching up with each others' conflicting schedules...it is somewhat draining. I feel like we are lost. I do not know what he wants with me, I do not know what he is thinking... I do not know what he means sometimes when he says or does the things he does. Or I think I know but I take it too literally or too...sensitive.

I say things people want to hear, but when it comes to him, I know not what to say... what do i say?