Yes. Anyways. I've been in total limbo. I was telling clara over msn messenger that I really do feel like writing, just that when i actually find time to do it, ...the words, the feelings and the events turn to mush.

The writing and the words are of the moment, I guess.

Speaking of which...i think Mark ("Dave") told me he loved me today. I'm not sure...I was watching Iron Chef and I wasn't fully listening.... in fact I totally didn't listen. My attention snapped back and I asked him to repeat himself..i wasn't listening, and he wouldn't say it again. He said he didn't know. He didn't remember. We laughed, but now I'm thinking again.

It'd be an amazing thing. Because I ...want to explore truth. I want to experience intimacy.. And I want to examine it with him.

I can't believe that I haven't written a substantial entry since I've met him.....you guys know nothing about him, huh.

Some of that comes from me spending more time with him, and then a big part comes from him revealing to me that he FOUND my journal. And returned. Several times....

But he does not visit anymore, and he knows how important my journal is to me.

I like him.

Tomorrow I go on the pill. Tranquilar. 28 day pack.. Tomorrow's a Sunday. So I'll never have my period on the weekend again. weeee. It also means dimished or no PMS. Damn man. PMS is a very surging time for me. It's when I feel the most....looking back at my entries, a lot of them were written in the dreadful week before.

Does this mean the end of the journal? I hope not.

My cousin is coming back in TWO WEEKS!!!!!! I miss her like hell. I miss being with her. I miss her waking me up in the morning. I miss her whining. I miss her dilemmas. It makes me feel like I have a life.

When I see friends or sisters shopping in my store, it makes me jealous. God man. Treasure your friends. Treasure the sistership. Because she could be on the other side of the world.

I have a whole new whack of staff at work. within the last two weeks, about six staff out of 20 have quit or changed stores...all for various reasons. And there's a lot of new people in. Plus a new active take-charge manager. I like her already. But perhaps I speak too soon. Oh well. It's work, right?