Disney's "The Kid". Starring Bruce Willis.
Seen it?
I saw it last night and I cried. jeez. I actually cried for Disney. For Bruce Willis. Well
baby Bruce Willis but he was so cute...
Perhaps it has me thinking, that's why.
There's stuff happening in my life but I don't even want to write about it. It's not
that's it's not good new or anything. I just don't want to write. It's not laziness.
Because I actually form the sentances in my head.
When you were a kid, what did you want? A house? A car? A wedding?
I wanted to make my parents happy.
And since I've found that unachievable..
I really want to be a kid again. Or to see me. A kid. A child with a round face..I want to
tell her that it's okay to cry and that it's okay to dream.
I spoke to the guy...let's call him Dave on the phone today. The last time -- the first time
we talked, we talked for three hours. Three hours!! And although it felt really great to be
talking and laughing with him, I think I would like him more as a friend.
He said something today about playing music without the sheets in front of you. ..I said that
I did that as a child.
I don't think I've done it since.
They've trained me to tell myself that ..it's wrong...unstyled. Unprofessional. It's not..
right.
Another thing. It's really really REALLY very eerie that I see "Michael-like" qualities in him.
I was really amazed the first time I talked to him..except that I knew it WASN'T him.
And he's a good person. I'd really like him on my side.
I also spoke to Mark last night. We spoke like distant friends seeing each other for the first
time in years. Or old co-workers too. Which is what we are...but ..perhaps I was fooling
myself all this time.
I like change...as I told Dave tonight..but sometimes it's hard to adapt to the changes.
I had an interview today. I have one for a different company on Friday. It looks good right
now..but sometimes I feel like I'm short a page on the resume.
It's hard on the ego.
But, as Winnie says, "nothing's better than
practicing at interviews."
My cousin and I had a little misunderstanding within the past couple of days. It's a long
distance "cousin-hood" so me in my not wanting to write and her writing but not "listening"
left "nothing happening" to be said.
eek.
I don't wantn to be going into detail...yes I know this is MY journal and I know I am writing
here...but not everynight and certainly because I want to exclude everyone from my life...
pretty much the opposite because this is kind of a public journal...but in short this is my
journal.
MY journal. I write it for ME. No one else. It is on here because I lack privacy in reality.
it is unedited. [somewhat] uncensored. I air my dirty thoughts. I make spelling errors. It is
typed out whenever I feel like it.
Recently, I don't even write things out on paper anymore. It's a convenient, public, uncensored,
unedited journal. I don't even have backup. How risky is that.
and I haven't updated in a while too. I want to be able to write everynight...like I use to
be able to. Even just a one liner...or whatever.
But I can't. I can't write even if I've pieced in clarity the characters and the phrases..and
the thought and energy.
Unable to write. Not writers block.
I want to undergo a complete morphisis. Is that the right spelling? You know what I mean.
For my entire life, I've lived in the same neighbourhood, even had basically the same haircut,
I look the same even.
I need some change.
*sigh*
Yes with the sighing again.
The interview went smoothly today. The only thing is that I went in early...and they handed me
something to fill out which took me a little long. eek.
eek said the mouse.
Anyways I think I was dressed pretty good and everything went well....I think it's wierd because
I've been so out of the loop and now I"m actually having human contact that it's a little
strange. Unfortunately, it's now for a part time job and I suppose that's better, but I
really was looking forward to a little more spending money.
We'll see.
I used to really believe that "Things will be better." I really believed that. But right now I'm
seeing, "what if this is better"? What if this is as good as it gets? It's a little sad.
I notice that the reason why I'm always so quiet in public is because I'm afraid I'm either
offend someone, or afraid of looking stupid. I was quiet on the phone. And I was quiet last
night with Mark. It's strange.
...yeah. So I guess I missed out on GAM this time.