The Kid.



Disney's "The Kid". Starring Bruce Willis.

Seen it?

I saw it last night and I cried. jeez. I actually cried for Disney. For Bruce Willis. Well baby Bruce Willis but he was so cute...

Perhaps it has me thinking, that's why.

There's stuff happening in my life but I don't even want to write about it. It's not that's it's not good new or anything. I just don't want to write. It's not laziness. Because I actually form the sentances in my head.

When you were a kid, what did you want? A house? A car? A wedding?

I wanted to make my parents happy.

And since I've found that unachievable..

I really want to be a kid again. Or to see me. A kid. A child with a round face..I want to tell her that it's okay to cry and that it's okay to dream.

I spoke to the guy...let's call him Dave on the phone today. The last time -- the first time we talked, we talked for three hours. Three hours!! And although it felt really great to be talking and laughing with him, I think I would like him more as a friend.

He said something today about playing music without the sheets in front of you. ..I said that I did that as a child.

I don't think I've done it since.

They've trained me to tell myself that ..it's wrong...unstyled. Unprofessional. It's not.. right.

Another thing. It's really really REALLY very eerie that I see "Michael-like" qualities in him. I was really amazed the first time I talked to him..except that I knew it WASN'T him.

And he's a good person. I'd really like him on my side.


I also spoke to Mark last night. We spoke like distant friends seeing each other for the first time in years. Or old co-workers too. Which is what we are...but ..perhaps I was fooling myself all this time.

I like change...as I told Dave tonight..but sometimes it's hard to adapt to the changes.

I had an interview today. I have one for a different company on Friday. It looks good right now..but sometimes I feel like I'm short a page on the resume.

It's hard on the ego.

But, as Winnie says, "nothing's better than practicing at interviews."


My cousin and I had a little misunderstanding within the past couple of days. It's a long distance "cousin-hood" so me in my not wanting to write and her writing but not "listening" left "nothing happening" to be said.

eek.

I don't wantn to be going into detail...yes I know this is MY journal and I know I am writing here...but not everynight and certainly because I want to exclude everyone from my life... pretty much the opposite because this is kind of a public journal...but in short this is my journal.

MY journal. I write it for ME. No one else. It is on here because I lack privacy in reality.

it is unedited. [somewhat] uncensored. I air my dirty thoughts. I make spelling errors. It is typed out whenever I feel like it.

Recently, I don't even write things out on paper anymore. It's a convenient, public, uncensored, unedited journal. I don't even have backup. How risky is that.

and I haven't updated in a while too. I want to be able to write everynight...like I use to be able to. Even just a one liner...or whatever.

But I can't. I can't write even if I've pieced in clarity the characters and the phrases..and the thought and energy.

Unable to write. Not writers block.


I want to undergo a complete morphisis. Is that the right spelling? You know what I mean.

For my entire life, I've lived in the same neighbourhood, even had basically the same haircut, I look the same even.

I need some change.

*sigh*

Yes with the sighing again.


The interview went smoothly today. The only thing is that I went in early...and they handed me something to fill out which took me a little long. eek.

eek said the mouse.

Anyways I think I was dressed pretty good and everything went well....I think it's wierd because I've been so out of the loop and now I"m actually having human contact that it's a little strange. Unfortunately, it's now for a part time job and I suppose that's better, but I really was looking forward to a little more spending money.

We'll see.


I used to really believe that "Things will be better." I really believed that. But right now I'm seeing, "what if this is better"? What if this is as good as it gets? It's a little sad.


I notice that the reason why I'm always so quiet in public is because I'm afraid I'm either offend someone, or afraid of looking stupid. I was quiet on the phone. And I was quiet last night with Mark. It's strange.

...yeah. So I guess I missed out on GAM this time.

??

I don't know what I'm doing with the main page. It's practically hideous..and don't tell me otherwise. ;p

It looks like some cheesy las vegas man who wears a toupee and beige cords.

Ick.

Linko of the day-o:

3 for the price of one

GAM???

Yes!

Remember?? GAM! Good Asian MAN.

Man. Not a boy.

Well..being very Dougie Howser like...perhaps this is how it will "all be better".

:)

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