No...this year wasn't as bad as I thought it out to be. I can feel myself growing up in the mist...and I think that it's about time.

This was the journey of the fool. The good, the bad, the ugly. Beginnings and endings..This was an adventure year, full of possibilities and hope, and dreams..do not forget the dreams, dreams thrice fulfilled.

Is it a wonder that the best things that happened were also the worst things that happened?

This is where I know that I've matured.

The year started off in January with a brand new relationship --a love. I've never had a love like this...and yet sometime in the summer, it ended. At this point I remember not the pain ..but I remember an end. I remember Michael and I remember how awesome a feeling I had, in love with him, but I know that what's gone is gone....doors are left open, but at the same time, I can go on in my life. I am over him.

Anyone who's really read my journal knows how much I completely HATED my customer service job. Actually, I don't think hate quite covers it. Words like outright detest, loathe, abhor, frustrated with, abominate...collectively describe it. Yet I stayed there because I could never get fired no matter what lazy things I did. It was a "bird" job. Do nothing, get paid. And all the frustation ended last thursday. It seems longer than that, actually. But it's a good and bad thing that happened this year...or just was.

A reporter actually called me this morning to ask for a possible interview, just because of the suddeness of the closing. I told her what she asked, but I didn't really want a camera interview. bahh. Look for me though. :)

The third thing that happened...good and bad. Not quite bad though. I enrolled in, and followed through, with my Culinary Arts School. I am now a holder of a diploma in culinary arts! I was so damn surprised as well, when, at the graduation ceremony, I was presented with, in succession, a certificate for Best Attendance, and then Best Attitude.

Oh Come on. Attendance I'll admit, I was late twice, but wow... when I thought about it, I was actually there for ALL classes. That's an amazing feat for someone whose record was some 47-odd classes missed in Math eleven enriched alone. haah. I think I managed to pull a B average in that too. Waaay cool. But the attitude award, I truely do not understand. How could I, Miss Potty Mouth, acclaimed sour-puss, pouty, sideways-stink eye bitch get a Best Attitude award?

Even Mark and Ewa were telling me about it after, in reception how they were surprised. Surprised but supportive. heehee.

And this whole completing something I started, accomplishing something on my own, it's opened up something in me. Perhaps others see something in me, perhaps I am not actually a pessimist, but an optimist disguised. Perhaps I DO have positive winning qualities..

And I have this strength, that my whole life is ahead of me, and I, young and willful and strong...I CAN do things.

I can do things myself.

Sometime ago, I wished and prayed for strength..and today, now, I feel strong.

I am sending out a handful of resumes before the holidays are over, but holding on to the video store just in case. Besides, the one week-severrance pay was simply not enough to hold me out for the holidays. I am, however, enjoying this week off.

Wooohoo.

Didn't I always tell you, good things will always come out of bad things, as for good things, they just are.

Man. I like days like this. Or this week in general...and while we're on the topic, this year.

Wasn't too bad at all.

Truely...because it seemed like so much was compressed into such a little short span...I feel different. I feel changed. And change is good.

In this year:

I kept the job at Rogers but also got and lost a job in a Credit Union Insurance firm, which paid painfully good..was hired and fired / quit at a restaurant...which had it's good and bad times, and really...I met some amazing people.

I started and finished Culinary School, and decided what I knew going in...this is my hobby, not my profession..and am going back to school for computer systems.

I met Michael....a dreamy love..and I miss him still, but I know now that I can't rely on a love to heal me, nor can I heal him. Two halves equalling a whole is NOT right. Two wholes, instead...makes more sense.

And I've grown up. I do things. I set goals and I reach for them. In 2001 I want to get a part time job at a restaurant where I'm respected. I'm going to school. I want to trust people again because I know there are good people out there. I want to turn 21 with a bang. And with money. Because that wouldn't be too bad.

To think....I'm about one-fourth to one-fifth through my life.