I remember the crowbar

When my old man lay in the hospital bed
his body corrupted by cancer, dying slowly
one of the last things he did before the drugs stole his mind
was ask us what we wanted.

I wanted the crowbar

Six feet of steel, of indeterminate age
brown, deeply pitted
an inch or so in diameter
thirty pounds at least
I never saw it bowed much less bent

I remember my old man,
in his mid thirties
sinking a fencepost

He lifted that bar from his shoulder
and drove it like a javelin
to a spot six feet away
swung it in a circle
grabbed it in the other hand
tossed it in again
drove and swung, drove and swung
alternating hands
shoulders and forearms rippling
tossing thirty pounds of steel
like a stick

I watched,
a four year old in a summer field
as he tossed it backhanded
where it landed at my feet

And it rung

It rung as only good steel rings
strong and deep
a sound you hear in your chest

It looked like fun
so I decided to try
and reached my little hands out to grasp the bar
and heaved

It may as well have been welded to the ground
surprised, I brought forth all of my puny might
and shifted it,
half an inch

I had never realized what strength was before
until that moment
I had seen that man toss  like a toy
this item I couldn't budge

I turned, mouth gaping
the light of awe growing in my eyes

to see him smiling, that half-smile of his
he looked at me and said
"Someday you'll be able to do that"

I forgot that moment
until thirty years later
give or take

When, after driving it like a javelin into a spot six feet away
and swinging it in a circle
alternating hands
and driving and swinging
driving and swinging
I tossed it backhanded
at  the feet of my four-year-old boy

And it rung

as only good steel rings

My mind flooded back to another summer field
and another time

Then I saw my son's back heave
and heave again, this time shifting it,
half an inch

He turned around with a look of wonderment
as I picked him up and held him tight
his arms around my neck, squeezing me like he does
"Someday you'll be able to do that"
I told him


 
 

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