Run Sheet
99/12/28
Well, it’s 0530 on 28 December
I just got back from a full arrest call. some poor old bugger’s heart stopped beating at 0445 this morning. I guess God turned off the switch.
When I got there his daughter was doing CPR on him. She was doing a pretty good job too. I admire people who do what they can when they can. I just hope she doesn't feel poorly that she couldn't save him. CPR saves are extremely rare out in the real world.
Don't get me wrong, I’m all for people learning CPR, it’s a truly wonderful thing, and has been the difference between life in many cases. Do yourself a favour and spend a Saturday taking the course.
Y’know, I still feel sorry for people who have to do it to their loved ones though. It’s a very violent and seemingly disrespectful process to have to put someone through.
Admittedly though, if I was in the same position, I’d want it done to me and to hell with violence, disrespect and lack of dignity. But I feel sorry for the people who aren’t used to it, and have to see and experience it first hand. In this job we do a lot of it and kind of get used to seeing everything. We don't get cold toward our patients or their families, but we aren't caught up in the panick and turmoil. Most important of all, we know what kinds of details to expect.
Here’s a couple of things I’ve learned over the years that aren’t ordinarily taught in the CPR courses offered in your community.
1. The patient WILL vomit, if he/she hasn’t done
so already, and a whole lot. Generally all over you.
2. The patient WILL find the most awkward position
to be in when they have their heart attack.
3. The patient WILL be more than 250 lbs, even
if they were a tiny birdlike woman beforehand, they will become a lead
weight when it comes time to move them into a better position for compressions.
4. One of the most common places to have a heart
attack is in the bathroom while having a bowel movement. Enough said on
that subject
5. If #4 occurs, it will generally be when the
patient’s entire family is in attendance, and you are forced to drag him
into the Kitchen or living room so you have room to work.
6. If #5 occurs, the patient’s size will be
in inverse proportion to the size of the bathroom. The larger the patient,
the smaller the bathroom
7. Did I mention that the patient WILL vomit?
Often, copiously, and continually. Always in your direction.
8. The amount of vomit on the floor will be
in direct proportion to the size of the patient and the distance he needs
to be carried. The larger the patient, the more slippery goo on the floor.
9. Every living relative of the patient, and
many of his/her friends will try to get into the room you're trying to
work in so that they can see what's going on.
10. While you're wheeling the patient out on
the gurney with a firefighter sweating and compressing the chest, and another
squeezing the bag to get air into his lungs, tubes in arms and endotracheal
tube sticking out, vomit all over the group of you, a spectator will ALWAYS
ask you "Is he okay?"
I have a 100% CPR record. In 18 years of performing
it, and probably more than 300 instances. I’ve saved no one. I’ve started
heartbeats occaisionally, but there is no one walking around today because
I did CPR on them. Last time I taught it to a group of our rookie Firefighters,
one of them performed it THE NEXT DAY and got heartbeat and breathing back
in the patient. I was so jealous I could have spit.
*****
Christmas here was pretty good. We celebrated with all the usual Pagan stuff, holly, mistletoe, candles, Santa Claus, Wreaths, a Christmas tree, presents, and food, food, food.
My family aren’t Christians, so we don’t celebrate Christ’s birth, but the celebration at this time of year has been around since long before him. I love to look around and see all the different people with all the different faiths who take the opportunity to celebrate. Its truly a great time of year.
We always celebrate the solstice with a weenie roast in the back yard. This year was no exception, and it was a full moon to boot, the first in 133 years I hear. The next thing to celebrate is the turn of the year. I’m not a big reveller when it comes to new year’s eve. Usually we have take-out chinese food and a couple of videos. During the day we write letters to our dead friends and dead loved ones, and burn them at midnight. It’s something I’ve done for my entire adult life, and now my family does it, it’s a very healing experience. Give it a try, you might like it.
Have a good and safe new year celebration. If you drink, call a cab, I don't want to be seeing you on the other end of my jaws of life.
P.S.
To all my friends out there who I didn't send
Christmas cards to after agreeing to, I apologize.